"Uh-oh!" - My toddler, looking me dead in the eye while he feeds his dinner to the dog

HERE'S A KID WITH NO ARMS AND NO LEGS AND HIS PARENTS ARE DEAD AND YOU'LL DIE SOON TOO, BUY THINGS. - Super Bowl Commercials in a nut shell

*on death bed* priest: any regrets my child? *montage of every time i saw a large dog and didn't try to ride it* me: uhhhhh

Hey, baby, you wanna come back to my place, and become a famous murder victim?