It was just a misunderstanding My wife asked little David if he had enjoyed the trip. ""Yes it was great - we saw sheep, horses, goats, and f???ers."" Wife: ""er, fine, fine. I know what the sheep and the rest are, but what is a f???er?"" David: ""Oh, they're the animals that give us milk"" Wife: ""but who said they were called, er, f???ers?"" David: ""that was our teacher. Well actually she called them ""effers,"" but we all knew what she meant.""

So there I was at my favorite seafood restaurant having dinner, and I told David, my favorite waiter, that TONIGHT I wanted my fish exactly how I like my wife... ...""Battered it is, sir.""

'Reincarnation' - My favourite joke of all time Dave comes home from the pub, drunkest he's been in a long time, and collapses into bed next to his sleeping wife. Later, he's woken by a brilliant flash of light at the end of his bed, which his still sleeping wife seems oblivious to. St. Peter appears in all his glory, standing over the two of them. "You have died my son, of alcohol poisoning" says St. Peter. Dave is obviously distraught and begs and pleads with the saint to be given another…

Wife: [holding old dog] I thought you took care of this yesterday Stormtrooper husband: *looks out back to see gun marks all over the yard*