Guinea Pig When I was five years old, my teacher asked me if I wanted to take the school guinea pig home. Seven months later, I arrived in the African republic of Guinea.

[the instructor clearly frustrated with me on first day of veterinary school] "It doesn't matter if its a dog, it's still called a cat scan"

Guinea pigs aren't real pets. You buy them when your kids are begging for a dog, but you want to make them sad instead.

Welcome to Lion Tamer School. Everyone grab a chair. Good... good. You're all halfway to becoming Lion Tamers now.