[Genie] Last wish idiot, impress me. [Me] I want Morgan Freeman to narrate my eulogy [drops dead] [Morgan Freeman] He was an idiot.

Two buddies are golfing When all of a sudden one of them falls down clutching his chest. The other guy whips out his phone and dials 911 ""911 what's your emergency?"" ""Help! I think my friend just died!"" ""Okay, calm down, the first thing you need to do is determine if he's truly dea-"" *THWACK THWACK THWACK* ""Yeah, he's dead alright. Dead and toothless. Okay what's next?

So the FBI, the DEA, and the Chicago police are looking for a bear ... This bear has been up to no good - it's suspected of running a major meth lab, money laundering, and even murder for hire. The authorities think the bear is hiding in some woods near Chi-town. The FBI go into the woods first. After a few hours, the agents come out. ""No bear in there,"" they say. ""He got away."" Then the DEA give it a try. They search the forest for 24 hours but find no suspects. Finally, the Chicago police …

Pronounced 'Dead' on arrival ... oops! The soon to be new parents known as Mr. & Mrs. D. were so excited, as they were just about to give birth to their brand new daughter, whom they'd already decided to name Dea D.. Just a few minutes later, a healthy baby girl popped out but was unfortunately pronounced 'Dead' on arrival by the attending nurse who apparently had significant issues with letter spacing on medical charts.