Knock Knock. Knock knock. ""Who's there?"" ""John Galt."" ""John Galt who?"" ... For twelve years, you have been asking: Who is John Galt? This is John Galt speaking. I am the man who loves his life. I am the man who does not sacrifice his love or his values. I am the man who has deprived you of victims and thus has destroyed your world, and if you wish to know why you are perishing-you who dread knowledge-I am the man who will now tell you."" The chief engineer was the only one able to move; he…

Bills wife asks him to take her brother bob hunting with him But bill knows bob has narcolepsy, but he does it anyway. Well bill takes bob out to the place where they will be hunting, he hands bob his rifle and tells him you go to the top of that hill and I'll go to the top of this hill. If you shoot and kill a deer I'll help you bring it out, and if I kill a deer you do the same. They take off their separate ways and get to where they will wait, and 20 minutes in bill sees this beautiful buck, …

My boss just sent me the heart eyes emoji. Since we're clearly being honest with each other I replied with a monkey with a gun to its head.

[Doctor's Office] Sir, it appears you have takes-everything-literally disease. "Is it bad, doc?" Yes, but bear in mind- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH