Watching my mother-in-law order at Starbucks is like watching a drunk gorilla try to start a car with a french fry.

Let's dance It's the spring of 1959, and Bobby arrives at his date's house to take her to a dance. When he knocks on the door, her dad answers. ""Have a seat,"" the old man says. ""Peggy Sue will be ready in a minute."" The dad grabs Bobby a cold beer, and the two sit down together. ""You know,"" the dad says, ""my daughter really loves to screw. She just loves to work up a sweat."" He smiles proudly and winks at Bobby, who has nearly choked on his beer. ""Yup, yup,"" the dad continues. ""She lo…

A man and a woman meet at a bar. A man and a woman in Arkansas meet in a bar. They sit next to eachother, admiring each other and contemplating a relationship. Once they've both had their fill of drinks, the man offers to take the woman back to his place. So they hop in his old, beat up truck and drive to the man's home. The woman says ""Hey, I live somewhere near here"" but she couldn't remember just where. When they get home, the man and the woman go up into the bedroom to have an intimate mom…

Religion A priest gets into a car accident There is a horrible car accident on the highway, a Catholic priest climbs out of his car and leans on some nearby wreckage and notices that a Jewish rabbi crawls up next to him. ""That was quite a wreck"" the old priest says in a thick Irish accent. ""Oy vey, it sure wash"" proclaims the rabbi. The priest reaches into his coat and pulls out a flask of fine Irish whiskey and hands it to the rabbi, ""I bet you could use a wee bit of warming right now"" Th…