[Doctor's Office] Sir, it appears you have takes-everything-literally disease. "Is it bad, doc?" Yes, but bear in mind- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[Doctor's Office] Doctor: The bad news is you have 3 months to live. Me: What's the good news? Doctor: You should make it til Shark Week

[vet office] Hi I am here to drop my cat off. Just a check-up. *doctor walks out* "Hi, I am Dr. Curiosity we- I'll take my cat elsewhere

NURSE: I promise. It's ok. You can come in. MAILMAN (trembling): are..are you sure DR DOG: *locked in his office just going freakin nuts*