For parents, college is the opposite of kidnapping. They demand $100,000 from you or they'll send your kid back.

*at church* "Does anyone have anything else for the offering basket?" I OFFER MY FIRST BORN CHILD "Jim no"

You ever see your kid looking so dirty at school and don't wanna pick him up? I just drove pass mine now like, 'Hell no, that is not my kid'

Everytime a suburban white kid throws up a gang sign, an angel misses brunch.