Second Opinion A doctor and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, ""And you are no good in bed either,"" and storms out of the house. After sometime he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and calls home. She comes to the phone after many rings and the irritated husband says, ""What took you so long to answer the phone?"" She says, ""I was in bed."" ""In bed this early, doing what?"" Shouts the doctor. ""Getting a second opinion!""

The most offensive joke I know. So a man is sitting at home on a normal day when he gets a phone call from an ER doctor. ""Sir, I am a doctor from the local hospital, your wife has just been in a terrible accident. I have good news and bad news."" ""Alrighty"" said the man ""Give me the bad news first."" ""Your wife lost both of her arms, as well as her legs, she can only eat liquids through a straw, she will need assistance to go to the bathroom for the rest of her life, and she is totally para…

A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to ""Please be gentle; I'm still a Virgin"".... ""What?"" said the puzzled groom. ""How can that be if you've been married ten times?"" ""Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be. ""Husband # 2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function; but he said he'd look into it and get back…

""My wife is pregnant"" A man spoke frantically into the phone ""My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"" ""Is this her first child?"" the doctor asked. ""No, you idiot!"" the man shouted. ""This is her husband!""