*on death bed* priest: any regrets my child? *montage of every time i saw a large dog and didn't try to ride it* me: uhhhhh

Me (to a baby): Hush little baby don't say a word. Momma's gonna buy you a mocking bird Mom: like hell I'll buy that kid anything..

One day a priest was walking on a pier when he noticed a guy in a boat fishing He waves to the fisherman, and the fisherman asks him if he'd like to join him in the boat for a little angling. The priest enthusiastically agrees but explains that he's never fished before. The angler says he'll teach him. On his first cast, the priest hauls in a really big fish. The fishermen exclaims, ""Wow! That's a big son of a b****!"" Realizing he's in the presence of a priest, the fisherman says, ""Oh, father…

A pastor walked outside of the church because he heard the children being loud. He sees the kids all grouped up. ""What are you doing?"" The children make the circle wider to show a puppy they had found. ""Its a beautiful dog, who will take it home?"" The pastor asks. The children look at each other until one of them speaks up. ""I know! Whoever tells the biggest lie can take it home! Would you like to play pastor?"" The pastor shrugs his shoulders and says, ""I don't know, it will be hard becau…