Just spent 15 minutes explaining football to my 5-year-old daughter. Now I think I'll go explain health care reform to the cat.

(Standing next to pool with a golf club and horse) Friends: Are you sure you've played water polo before?

Barista won't write "Air Bud was bullshit" on my coffee cup. We've been arguing for 20 minutes. HE'S A DOG THAT PLAYS BASKETBALL

Basketball would be a lot more exciting if each team was allowed one bear.