[MURDER TRIAL] JUDGE: So in 27 years of marriage, you never knew your wife was allergic to salt? MR.SLUG:[Into mic] That's correct.

[murder trial] LAWYER: So you unplugged your wife's life support for five minutes? COMPUTER TECH: Sometimes that works.

You bastard A judge working a double-homicide case tells the defendant, ""You're charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer."" ""You bastard!"" yells a voice from the back of the courtroom. ""You're also charged with killing your mother-in-law with a hammer,"" says the judge. ""Bastard!"" the same person yells. The judge addresses the man sitting in the back of the courtroom.""Sir, one more outburst and I'll charge you with contempt."" ""I'm sorry, Your Honor,"" says the man. ""But I'…

From an old National Lampoon record A guy walks into a nightclub with a beautiful girl on his arm. The comedian comes out for his first act of the evening and says, a guy walks into a nightclub with a beautiful girl on his arm. The comedian comes out for his second act of the evening and says, a guy walks into a nightclub with a beautiful girl on his arm. Just then, a guy in the audience says, I think I've heard this before. The comedian says, maybe you caught my first act. The man says, not lik…