Dear Diary: Day 41 at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizardry. So far none of the other students have noticed that my wand is a Slim Jim.

A blonde woman locks her keys inside her car... And so she calls a locksmith to open it. When the locksmith (who is also blonde) gets there she pulls out her Slim Jim tool to open the door when she notices a problem, the driver side window to the car is wide open. The locksmith looks to the driver and says, ""Ma'am I can't use this tool on a door when the window is open, you're going to have to close it first.""