😄 I'm setting more realistic New Year's resolutions this year, like never doing anything right and not...

My wife just sent me a text " I just bought you the best Christmas present! xox :)" .....I hope she misspelled Xbox

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ME: My New Year's resolution is to eat less WIFE: Good! ME: (very, very quietly) ...vegetables.

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To all newly married guys..... If you screw up Valentine's Day, you'll be celebrating Palm Sunday for a long time.

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*gives ex wife's next door neighbour a drum kit for Christmas*

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