*Sees dead cat on the road. Walk it off buddy, you got 8 more.

my idiot dog just ate a box of condom. i was gonna eat those buddy

"Ow that dog just nipped at me" PEE ON IT! "No man NO STOP THAT DOESN'T WORK FOR EVERYTHING" I'M HERE FOR YA BUDDY!

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, ""Hey."" The horse says, ""You read my mind, buddy.""