I can't afford a police siren so I just taped a crying baby to the top of my car. It's working, people are moving out of my way.

Why is it whenever we see a police car, we drive like we have 10 kilos of cocaine and a stolen baby in the car?

The Police come right away when you tell em your baby is locked in the car... They don't however think it's cute to call your phone baby..

I just wanted a drink. Stopped at Speedway to buy a drink. When I pulled in, I noticed these two cops watching a woman who was smoking while fueling up. I'm thinking, ""Wow...what an idiot! The police are standing right there!"" I go in and get my drink. As I was paying, I hear someone scream, ""Look outside!"" OMG!! The woman's arm was on fire!!! She's running around like a chicken with its head cut off, waving her arm around and just going nuts. We all went outside and watched the cops put her…