I have no problems with buying tampons... I am a fairly modern man. But apparently they're not a ""proper"" present. (Jimmy Carr)

I don't see why you would become an Islamic fundamentalist suicide bomber on the off chance that when you die you get 72 virgins. Just become a Catholic priest and get them now. Edit: THANK EVERYONE FOR THE GOLD!! Also forgot to source the joke to Jimmy Carr.

People say there is power in numbers. Say that to 6 million jews. -Jimmy carr

My son got kicked out of school for letting a girl jerk him off in class. That's three schools now. Maybe teaching isn't for him. (Joke by Jimmy Carr)