At the beach (When I was growing up, my father used to tell this joke at every thanksgiving gathering of friends and family. I was mortified each time. Now it's one of those memories that makes me smile, regardless of the joke quality...) Me and my buddy were out along the beach one weekend looking for clams. We had a nice spot picked out for a bake later in the evening. But as it started to get dark, we had to head back, with no clams at all. On the way, we saw a food vendor set up in the sand, and decided that would be our best bet. So we each ordered a burger. The lady there reached into a little freezer and pulled out two frozen patties. She raised her left arm, and put one right in her armpit. Then she lowered that arm, raised the right, and put the other patty there. By the time she had the grill ready, both were defrosted and ready to cook. As we walked away with our burgers, I was grumbling about her method of defrosting our food. My buddy was quiet a moment, then turned to me and said, ""Well, just be glad we didn't order the hot dogs.""