JESUS: hey check this oute [turns my water into wine] ME: woa!! thanks jesus JESUS: [grabs wine out of my hands] NO!! THIS IS MY BLOOD NOW

The Pope dies and arrives in Heaven. St. Peter awaits him. St. Peter asks who he is. The Pope: ""I am the pope."" St. Peter: ""Who? There's no such name in my book."" The Pope: ""I'm the representative of God on Earth."" St.Peter: ""Does God have a representative? He didn't tell me ..."" The Pope: ""But I am the leader of the Catholic Church ..."" St. Peter: ""The Catholic church ... Never heard of it ... Wait, I'll check with the boss."" St. Peter walks away through Heaven's Gate to talk with G…

I am 72% Jesus Jesus walked on water. Watermelons are 72% water. I can walk on watermelons. Therefore, I'm 72% Jesus.

Knock knock.... Whose there? Jesus Jesus who? Behold I stand at the door and knock....