An old lady goes to buy cat food.... The person working the cash register says ""I'm sorry ma'am but there has been reports of elderly people eating this stuff, we'll need to see proof of your cat."" The old lady sighs and leaves. The next day she comes back with a box that contains her cat. The clerk sees this and let's her purchase the cat food. The next day the old lady comes in and says she needs some dog food. the clerk says ""I'm sorry ma'am but the same rules apply for dog food."" So she …

An elderly Italian man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite Italian anisette sprinkle cookies wafting up the stairs. Gathering his remaining strength, he lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs. With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen…

A joke my mom heard a priest tell in church today: An elderly couple to decide to live a little and go to McDonald's... When they order the food, the old man divides the fries in half and splits the burger in two. Some students see this and offer to buy some more food so that they can both eat a whole sandwich. ""No, no, that's fine,"" says the old man, ""We share everything."" So the old man starts eating his half-burger and his half-order of fries-- but his wife is sitting there, not eating he…

A synagogue is having a major rat problem Every time the rabbi holds a sermon, people can't help but notice that there are rats running every which way. The rabbi tries setting out rat traps, hiring exterminators, doing everything he can, but each and every week, the rats are back. Finally after one sermon, as the room is clearing out and the rabbi starts sweeping up rat droppings, an elderly man approaches him. ""Excuse me,"" he says, ""I wanted you to know that I used to be a rabbi myself, and…