Me (to a baby): Hush little baby don't say a word. Momma's gonna buy you a mocking bird Mom: like hell I'll buy that kid anything..

One day a priest was walking on a pier when he noticed a guy in a boat fishing He waves to the fisherman, and the fisherman asks him if he'd like to join him in the boat for a little angling. The priest enthusiastically agrees but explains that he's never fished before. The angler says he'll teach him. On his first cast, the priest hauls in a really big fish. The fishermen exclaims, ""Wow! That's a big son of a b****!"" Realizing he's in the presence of a priest, the fisherman says, ""Oh, father…

A drunk man staggers into an empty church. He looks right. He looks left. When he spots the big crucifix in the middle, he makes his way down the center aisle, muttering under his breath. Finally, when he's right underneath it, he waves his bottle around and starts screaming at it. ""YOU! S'all YOUR fuggin' fault!"" he screams. ""I los' ma job, ma wife lef' me, ma kids ran 'way, and today ma dog died! Jus' you wait! I'ma come back with ma *shotgun* and give ya what for!"" And then he leaves, cur…

HCL A Priest, minding his own business, is traveling across town to visit a sick member of his flock. As he's walking he sees a young man tossing up in the air and catching what appears to be a small bottle of water. As the Priest approaches the young man, he can't help but notice HCL' embossed on the vial. The Priest thinks that the young man may inadvertently harm himself with the Hydrochloric Acid in the vial. He decides to act. ""Young man,"" he says, ""That's a mighty fancy bottle of liquid…