Last night me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the telly. -Tim Vine

Conjunctivitis.com... ""Conjunctivitis.com - that's a site for sore eyes"" - A Tim Vine joke, just thought I'd share.

A small bird made of oak Be good if there was a related joke, wooden tit? (Credit: Tim Vine)

I've just been on a once in a lifetime holiday... Never again. Credit: Tim Vine.