My child: Mom, there's a monster under my bed. Me: "That's impossible, they're all running for president right now."

My dad called to ask if sending an email to the USA costs more. I told him a LOT more, better not risk it

[Dad jokes anonymous] "...and I'm clean 30 days" Guy from back: HI CLEAN 3O DAYS I'M DAD "DAMN IT, JERRY!"

My Dad voted Republican his entire life. After he died he voted Democrat