Gentlemen...BEHOLD! Puns. What do you call a cool mushroom?...A fun guy!!! A neutron walks into a bar. ""I'd like a beer"" he says. The bartender promptly serves up a beer. ""How much will that be?"" asks the neutron. ""For you?"" replies the bartender, ""no charge"" A guy walks into a restaurant, and takes a seat. Across the room he see's a panda bear eating a large pile of bamboo. Upon finishing the bamboo a waiter comes to the pandas table. The panda then shoots the waiter in the head, gets u…

Feline Physics Law of Cat Inertia - A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, ora nearby scurrying mouse. Law of Cat Motion - A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction. Law of Cat Magnetism - All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric. Law of Cat Thermodynamics - Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, excep…

Wife has hearing problems A old man thinks his wife is losing her hearing. He calls the doctor about it and the doctor says he can do a little experiment to determine the severity, "Ask her a question from the next room in a normal tone of voice, and keep asking while coming closer until she can hear you. That way you know the range of her hearing." That night, he's sitting on his easy chair in the living room while his wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner. He estimates he's about 30 feet away…

A rich-looking woman walks into a butcher’s shop. She looks at the poultry on display, and finally selects the scrawniest chicken. A little surprised, the butcher picks it up, gives her the total; and she’s on her merry way. The next week, the lady returns, and again, despite all her apparent wealth, she chooses the smallest chicken. The butcher, again, complies, and off she goes. The third week. Same scenario. She ignores the Poule de Bresse, the pheasants, the pintades, the fine cuts. Just…