(Trump rally) Trump: I'll take questions now. Reporter: How will you fix California's drought? Trump: More water. Crowd: *cheers wildly*

Pretty sure California's water crisis could have been solved with the number of dropped ice cubes that I've lazily kicked under the fridge.

Hundreds of crows are dying on California's roadways. Recently scientists have been noticing that there are hundreds of crow carcasses on the highways of California. Obviously confused, the scientists decided to research what could be causing the mass deaths of these birds. After a few weeks of research they found out that almost all of the birds were being killed by motorcyclists. Instead of helping, this information just confused the scientists more. So they decided to carry on their investiga…

Actor Jim Carrey vehemently denounced California's new vaccination requirement for all school-age children because it would render them immune to the childhood disease of being a fan of Jim Carrey.