I rescued a seagull, taught it karate and named it Steven, so what?

Why did the US invade Iraq when Steven Seagal's ponytail contains 85% of the worlds natural resources?

when i was a kid my father caught me wearing a ponytail so he sat me down and made me eat an entire steven seagal movie

Parents, stop giving your kids these crazy names. I just found a love letter my son wrote to a girl named "Steven!"