I always get "never shake a baby" and "cats always land on their feet" mixed up. Anyways I need a lawyer.

[spelling bee finals] JUDGE: your word is "asterisk" KID: can you use it in a sentence? JUDGE: *adjusts mic* yes

Judge:"Since we can't prove who's baby it is we will ... cut the baby in half Worm Mom 1:"Sure Worm Mom 2 :"Ya do it.

[couple tossing baby back and forth] [music stops] judge: custody granted dad: [holding baby] AW DAMMIT