"He be dead." Who? Your English teacher?

Hi, I'm your son's teacher, Ms. Frizzle. Funny story, your kid is dead and inside a tortoise

Philosophy Major: True story With five minutes left in his class, a philosophy professor decides to talk about his own college experience. ""Philosophy is basically a dead-end major. You know where your career is going when you sign up for it."" He looks at one student and asks, ""What would your parents say if you told them you were changing your major to Philosophy."" The student says, ""They'd be thrilled. See, I am a theater major.""

A priest and a math teacher... die and go to heaven at the same time. St. Peter greets them at the pearly gates, and then shows them to their accommodations. He brings the math teacher to a luxurious mansion, with a hedge maze, marble columns, and a fountain. The priest thinks to himself, ""If the math teacher gets this, imagine what I might get!"" So he follows St. Peter past a row of large houses, a row of suburban houses, a row of small houses, a row of houses for rent, a row of apartment com…