[dies and goes to hell] me: "mom? dad!? what are you doing here!" dad: "we used to switch your food with the dog's food sometimes."

Salmon and Chef A salmon walks into a restaurant, finds the chef and tells him: Hey, you! You've killed my father! Sure, tells the cook, this is my job. I kill fish, fry them and serve to people. I want you to stop doing this. Dude, this is what I do. If I stop, my family dies from hunger. OK. Let's play chess. If you win - kill me and fry me. If I win - you quit your job. And they started playing chess. Salmon wins, and the cook takes his knife, cuts salmon's belly and starts to dress it…

So a mom hears her son playing with trains.... And she heard the train stop and her son said, ""All of you sons of b*tches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of b*tches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."" The mother went nuts and told her son, ""We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may pl…

Two young boys decide to start swearing After some contemplation, younger brother says, ""I'm gonna start saying 'oh hell'."" The older one decides, ""I'm gonna say 'shit'."" Satisfied with their little pact, the two brothers head to bed. The next morning, the siblings rise and groggily head downstairs. From the kitchen, they hear their mother call, ""Good Morning! What do you want for breakfast?"" The younger brother thinks for a moment before saying, ""Oh hell, I think I'll have some Wheaties.…