[3am] *nudges wife* No way the old guy blew up all those balloons in Up in 1 night. Honey, you awake? I mean he's like a million years old.

Two men are sitting at the bar One says to the other: ""So I've just crawled into bed. My wife's sound asleep. All of a sudden the smoke alarm starts chirping because the battery died."" The other guy says: ""Let me guess. You tried to ignore it, drift to sleep and deal with it in the morning?"" ""No way. Do you think I am lazy?"" ""Sorry. It was a just an idea. I guess you snuck out of bed, grabbed a 9-volt, and replaced the battery?"" ""Of course not! Do you think I'm stupid?"" ""Fine, I give …

Two men in their 40's are discussing their wives ""After being married for 20 years she has gotten slack down there, how do deal with it?"" ""You should try it other hole!"" ""No way, I don't want another kid!""

Wife messaged to her husband During a cold winter day a wife messaged to her husband that ""the Windows frozen"". Husband replied to pour some warm water on them. After a while husband received a message again ""No way, the computer is completely spoilt now""!