Jurassic Park I was watching Jurassic park the other day, when I thought, ""not only does my son have a stupid name, but hes also a shit driver""

SOMEONE LEFT THEIR DOGS IN THE CAR WITH THE WINDOWS ROLLED UP -Ma'am, that's a pack of Ballpark All-Beef Franks. ITS 500 DEGREES IN THERE

"Is that a car alarm going off? Someone must be trying to steal it I better call the police!" - literally no one ever

Feeling sick at work. Subway to the bus-$5 Bus to commuter lot-$2 Puking in my car-$0 Guy in the car next to me puking in response-priceless