*hires sky writer to propose to psychic girlfriend* WILL YOU MARRY ME *2nd planes flies by 5 seconds later* HELL NO

Went out for drinks with my tinder date... She ordered the angel shot with lime :(

I love playing ""Army men"" with my Girlfriend I just lay on the ground an she blows the hell outta me

Her: What brings you to speed dating? Me: I just ran out of the fancy shampoo my previous GF bought for me.