BREAKING: California becomes first state to ban plastic bags. People who love picking up dog shit with their bare hands rejoice.

So there's this guy named Jim, and he moves into a new neighborhood in California. Looking for a fresh start, Jim gets a well-paying job and moves to the suburbs. Weeks turn to months and months turn to years, and slowly but surely Jim builds a new life with a new routine. Every Monday at 5:30 he goes from work to the grocery store, and gets home from the grocery store at 7. Unfortunately, Jim has a neighbor named Lisa Nancy, and she's a bit of a nut. Everyday, as Jim unlocks his door at 7, Lisa…

Fishing and tampons... A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to a big department store looking for a job. The manager says, ""Do you have any sales experience?"" The kid says, ""Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Texas."" The boss liked the kid so he gave him the job. ""You start tomorrow. Ill come down after we close and see how you did."" His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. ""How many sales did you make tod…

A hilly billy wants to become a journalist. So he moves to California and gets his journalism degree. For his final project he is supposed to go to his hometown and write a story on ""Happy Times."" He goes back to his hillbilly hometown and finds an old hillbilly sittin on his porch widdling wood. He explains his situation and the hillbilly agrees to the interview. The new journalist says ""tell me a story on happy times and the old man replies ""one time my neighbour lost his sheep in the wood…