[wife gets home] did you feed the baby his spinach today? [me doing push ups] hell no I'm not letting that baby get stronger than me

How to enjoy babies: 1 Hold them 2 Kiss them 3 Hand them back to their mom 4 Go have drinks with grown ups 5 Laugh about not having a baby

A teacher doesn't want baby talk from her students A second grade teacher asks her students what they did over the weekend. The first student says ""I went on a choo-choo train! ""That's good,"" says the teacher, ""but we're in second grade now and we should talk like grown-ups. You should say you went on a train."" The second student says ""We went camping and I saw a bunny rabbit!"" The teacher raises a finger. ""That sounds exciting! But remember, talk like a grown-up. Just say 'rabbit.'"" A …

So, my friend and his wife are expecting a baby True story. My friend works for FedEx. He is a cancer survivor and wasn't supposed to be able to have more children. He looked me dead in the eyes, ""If it comes out brown, its the UPS guys"".