Grandpa's joke last night. Two heavy set women are talking by the bar. The bartender says ""You ladies have a lovely accent. Are you from Scotland?"" One of them women goes ""No, Wales."" The bartender replied ""Are you whales from Scotland?"" Then grandpa precedes to explain the joke about them being whales. We were in my younger brothers school for a basketball game and everyone was in earshot.

Just spent 15 minutes explaining football to my 5-year-old daughter. Now I think I'll go explain health care reform to the cat.

(Standing next to pool with a golf club and horse) Friends: Are you sure you've played water polo before?

I used to complain about crying babies on airplanes but last week I was flying, both pilots died & a crying baby landed us on a soccer field