A man goes to visit his grandpa in hospital.. A man goes to visit his grandpa in hospital. ""How are you grandpa? he asks. ""Feeling fine,"" says the old man. ""What's the food like?"" ""Terrific, wonderful menus."" ""And the nursing?"" ""Just couldn't be better. These young nurses really take care of you."" ""What about sleeping? Do you sleep OK?"" ""No problem at all --- nine hours solid every night. At 10 o'clock they bring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet ... and that's it. I go…

Three old men are sitting on the porch of a retirement home. The first says ""Fellas I got real problems. I'm seventy years old. Every morning at seven o'clock I get up and I try to urinate. All day long I try to urinate. They give me all kinds of medicine but nothing helps."" The second old man says ""You think you have problems. I'm eighty years old. Every morning at 8:00 I get up and try to move my bowels. I try all day long. They give me all kinds of stuff but nothing helps."" Finally the …

Don't wake Up Until Ten Three men were discussing aging on the steps of the nursing home. "Seventy is the worst age to be," announced the seventy year old. "You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!" "Ah, that's nothing," said the eighty year old. "When you're eighty, you can't take a crap anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran - you sit on the toilet all day and nothing comes out !" "Actually," said the ninety year old, "ninety…

A judge was hearing a drink-driving case but the defendant, who had a history of driving under the influence, demanded trial by jury. It was nearly four o'clock in the afternoon and getting a jury would take some time, so the judge called a recess and went out in the hall to recruit anyone available for jury duty. In the main lobby, he found a dozen lawyers and told them that they were to be the jury. The lawyers thought this would be a novel experience and followed the judge back into the court…