Stomach: I'm hungry. Brain: Chill out, dude, she's in a meeting. Stomach: I WILL NOW DEMONSTRATE A WHALE'S MATING CALL.

I just had to leave the office kitchen because two co-workers were talking about tea bags and I'm 12

" I made my famous dip for the office party" You're a regular Abe Lincoln. "But he wasn't a chef" Exactly

[chef interview] BOSS: Are you familiar with kitchen jargon ME: Yeah, that means you're missing a jar