How can you tell if there is a pilot in the room? He will tell you.

Never Mess with Kids A man was seated next to a kid in an airplane. The man turned to him and said, “Let’s talk”. Kid: Ok, what do we talk about ? Man (making fun of d kid): How about nuclear power? Kid: Very interesting topic. But let me ask you a question… Horse, cow & deer, all eat grass. Yet deer excretes pellets, cow flat potty & horse clumps. Why? Man: I don’t know. Child: Do you really feel qualified enough to discuss nuclear issues when you don’t know shit.. ?

After asking several other people, a flight attendant walks up and asks a man a question [NSFW] Flight attendant: Sir, would you like some headphones? Man: Yes I would! How did you know my name was phones?

The long haul an airplane is shipping a large amount of bricks, when suddenly the pilot yells over the intercom "the plane is going down we need to lower the weight" what do you do? *throw out one brick* how do you fit an elephant in a freezer? *open the door, let him in, shut the door.* how do you fit a giraffe in a freezer? *open the door, take out the elephant, let the giraffe in, shut the door.* the king of the jungle is holding a party and all the animals show up except one, who is i…