Four Nuns in Heaven Four nuns die and go to heaven. At the gates, they are told by God that they must confess and purify themselves before entering. So the Nuns begin their confessions, one by one. 1st nun: Dear Lord, I have only one thing to confess. Once, out of really bad judgement, I gave a handjob to Father in the Church. God: Rise, my daughter. This sin was committed by your hands. Go rinse your hands in Holy Water, be done with this, and enter your heavenly abode. 2nd Nun: Dear Lor…

Two friends meet at a bar Guy 1: Can you believe i just spent $3000 to cremate my mother-in-law? Guy 2: Oh really? i only paid $500 to cremate my mother-in-law Guy 1: Yeah but your mother-in-law was dead...

Why did you have to die? A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?" The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you m…

Why did Simba's dad die in a stampede? Because he didn't Moofassa enough! Edit: general consensus was to add "enough"