How can we be sure the government wasn't involved in the Kennedy assassination? Well he's dead, isn't he? (Adapted from Neil Gaiman's *American Gods*)

The Pope goes to New York and gets picked up at the airport by a limousine. When he sees the car, he motions to the driver and says: "Do you mind if I ask you a favor?" "A favor for the Pope??" exclaims the driver, "of course - anything!" "You know, I hardly ever get to drive, and I'd really like it if I got to drive now. Would you please let me?" The thought of the Pope getting behind the wheel scared the driver - what if he got into an accident? On the other hand, the driver felt…

What's the difference between a statesman and a politician? A statesman is a dead politician. God knows we need more statesman.

Why did Donald Trump win the Republican nomination? Don Rickles is dead.