Ron was pulled over at 2 am by a police officer. The cop asked him where he was going at this time of night. Ron answered, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and its effects on the body, particularly while behind the wheel of an automobile." The cop raised an eyebrow. "Who's giving a lecture like that at this hour?" Ron answered, "My wife." (Credit: unknown, not mine)

Driving Home Drunk An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over. ""So,"" says the cop to the driver, ""where have ya been?"" ""Why, I've been to the pub of course,"" slurs the drunk. ""Well,"" says the cop, ""it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening."" ""I did all right,"" the drunk says with a smile. ""Did you know,"" says the cop, standing straight an…

Some short drunk jokes A drunk was walking home in the middle of the night. He didn't notice one of the manholes was open so he fell down the shaft. After pondering his situation for a bit he said to himself: ""This sucks. If I don't get out of here in 10 minutes, I'm goin' home."" --------- A drunk climbed into a cab late at night and blurted at the driver:""Take me home, mah good man."" ""Could you be more specific, sir?"" asked the driver. ""Upstairs, second door on the left."" ------------ A…

A cop pulls over a man and his wife A man and his wife were traveling down the highway when they saw the lights of a patrol car behind them. When they pulled over, the patrol man came up to the window and said, ""I am going to give you two tickets. One because you were speeding and one because you didn't have your seat belt fastened."" The man said, ""I did too have my seat belt fastened. I just loosened it when you came up to the car."" The Patrol Man said to the man's wife, ""I know he didn't …