LITTLE JOHNNY'S HALLOWEEN Little Johnny was on a park bench stuffing all of his Halloween candy in his mouth. An old lady came over and said. ""Son, don't you know that eating all of that candy will rot your teeth, give you acne, and make you sick?"" ""My grandfather lived to be 105 years old!"" replied Johnny. ""Did he eat five candy bars at a sitting?"" the old lady retorted. ""No,"" said Johnny, ""but he minded his own freakin' business.""

A Little Johnny Christmas Little Johnny's father was having trouble with his son. Little Johnny had a problem with cursing. Not knowing where to go, Johnny's father went to a psychologist about the problem. ""Here's what you do"", said the Psychologist. ""Christmas is coming up. Ask Johnny what he wants for Christmas and every time he answers and curses, leave a pile of dog crap where that present goes."" Later that day, Johnny's father asks his son what he wants for Christmas. Johnny replies ""…

A touching moment with Santa... Little Johnny climbs onto Santa's lap at the department store. Santa says, "I'll bet I know what you want for Christmas." And with his index finger he taps the boy on the nose with every letter he spells, "T-O-Y-S." The little boy answers, "No, I have enough toys." Santa tries again, tapping Johnny's nose with every letter, "C-A-N-D-Y." Again, Johnny says, "No, I have all kinds of candy." "Well, what would you like for Christmas?" Santa asks. Johnny…

Farts This is a story about Johnny and his wife Janne who had been happily married for years, the only friction in their marriage was Johnny’s habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke the noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water, and make her gasp for air. Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor, she was conce…