Visiting married friends Hamish MacTavish is visiting his married friends Sandy and Glenda MacDougal. ”Sandy, I can’t help it,” says Hamish, ”but Glenda really turns me on. If I could pinch her bare backside just once, I would give you a thousand dollars.” ”For that kind of money,” says Sandy, ”I don’t think that Glenda would mind. Would you, Glenda? Go ahead and pinch her.” Glenda leans over a chair and exposes her behind. Hamish looks at it... and just keeps looking. Finally, after five m…

Wife [walking into house]: Ummm.. Me: [recreating "You Better Shape Up Scene" from Grease with my dog dressed as Sandy]: You're home early.

Old Sandy McPherson was dying. Tenderly, his wife Maggie knelt by his bedside and asked, 'Anything I can get you, Sandy?' No reply. 'Have ye no' a last wish, Sandy?' Faintly, came the answer ... 'A wee bit of yon boiled ham.' 'Wheesht, man,' said Maggie, 'ye ken fine that's for the funeral.

A woman wakes her husband up at 2 AM, saying "Quick, who's scored the highest number of goals in football, ever?" "Klose", replied the groggy husband. "And how many episodes of Breaking Bad are there in total?" "Huh? Wait, let me...55, no, 62, there's 62 total episodes" he replied. "Who was that girl in that 'Saved by the Bell' show, Kapowski?" "Tiffani Thiessen, played Kelly Kapowski" "And also, when'd that new girl, Sandy, move downstairs again?" "Two months next Wednesday. What's goi…