[Weekend in NYC with my wife] Wife: Did you know Comicon is in NYC this weekend? Me walking out of bathroom in a Deadpool costume: No clue

I'm flying to NYC today and I don't care what the flight attendant says, I will be using my seat cushion as a fartation device.

The richest black man in NYC has got to be Duane Reade.

[finding a secret passage in my NYC-apartment that leads to a corpse-filled torture dungeon] HOLY SHIT LOOK AT ALL THIS EXTRA SPACE I HAVE!