How did Jared lose 30 pounds? He dumped his girlfriend.

How did Jared lose 40lbs? He dumped his girlfriend.

The court was very accommodating handing Jared a fifteen year sentence. He'll even be able to take his girlfriend out for her 21st birthday.

Just some jokes about musicians. How do you know the stage at a concert is level? Drool is coming out of both sides of the drummers mouth. What do you call a drummer with no girlfriend? Homeless. What do floutists eat for breakfast? Flute loops. How do you tune three oboeists? Shoot 2 of them. How many flute players does it take to change a light bulb? One, they stand on the ladder holding the bulb in the socket and wait for the world to revolve around them.