Professor: "Did you just show up drunk to my exam?" No way "Hungover then?" Nope "There's a lime wedge on your face"

The Pickup Artist Ted is sitting at the bar, chatting with the bartender. It's a good night, not too crowded, but a steady stream of customers. The door opens and a homely guy walks in. He takes a seat at the other end of the bar, orders a beer, and sits there sipping it. The bartender walks back, and Ted says, ""There's a guy who's leaving alone tonight!"" Even as he speaks, the hottest girl in the room walks up to the homely guy. They chat a minute, then leave arm-in-arm. ""Man!"", says Ted, "…

Two men are sitting at the bar One says to the other: ""So I've just crawled into bed. My wife's sound asleep. All of a sudden the smoke alarm starts chirping because the battery died."" The other guy says: ""Let me guess. You tried to ignore it, drift to sleep and deal with it in the morning?"" ""No way. Do you think I am lazy?"" ""Sorry. It was a just an idea. I guess you snuck out of bed, grabbed a 9-volt, and replaced the battery?"" ""Of course not! Do you think I'm stupid?"" ""Fine, I give …

Walks Into A Bar... A Big Black Bear walks up to the Bartender and says ""Gimme a beer"" Bartender says ""No way, get out! We don't serve beers to big black bears in bars in Butte!"" Drunk woman at the end of the bar says ""You heard the man bear, get out!"" Bear says again ""I'm asking nicely, please give me a beer"" Bartender says ""No! I told you, we don't serve beers to big black bears in bars in Butte, so go away!"" Drunk woman at the end of the bar hiccups and says ""He told you bear, now …