A pint Paddy and Murphy fancy a pint but only have a euro between them. Paddy goes off and buys a sausage, Murphy says ""Are you mad? Now we'r skint!"" ""Come on"" says Paddy, ""follow me"". They go into the pub, order 2 pints and drink them before paying. Paddy shoves the sausage through the zipper of his jeans, and tells Murphy to get down on his knees and suck it. The barman goes berserk and throws them out. 10 pubs and 10 pints later, Murphy says ""I can't do this any more my knees are sore …

Both of them? Murphy calls to see his mate Paddy who has a broken leg. Paddy says, ""Me feet are freezing mate, could you nip upstairs an get me slippers?"" ""No bother,"" he says, and he runs upstairs and there are Paddy's two stunning 19 year old twin daughters sitting on their beds. ""Hello dere girls, your Da' sent me up here to shag ya both."" ""Fook off you liar!"". ""I'll prove it,"" Murphy says. So he shouts down the stairs, ""Both of them, Paddy?"" ""Of course, what's the use of fookin'…

Helping The Doctor A doctor in Dublin wanted to get off work to go fishing, so he approached his assistant. ""Murphy, I am going fishing tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all me patients"". ""Yes, sir!"" answers Murphy. The doctor goes fishing and returns the following day and asks: ""So,Murphy, how was your day?"" Murphy told him that he took care of three patients. ""The first one had a headache so I gave him Paracetamol."" ""Br…

Irishman needs a hat... Sol Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fell down when he saw him. He'd never been to church in his life. After Mass the priest caught up with him & said, ""Murphy, I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass. What made ya come?"" Murphy said, ""I got to be honest with you Father a while back I misplaced me hat & I really really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat just like mine and I knew he came to church every Sunday . I also knew tha…